thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
