it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
