Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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