She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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