Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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