You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
