I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
