Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
