but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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