So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
