I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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