hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
where are my eyebrows?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
