question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
send nudes
from the living room?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
