Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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