Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
