I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
