You're my little dorito
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize