i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are a genius and a whore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
