You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
