omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
