while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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