I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
