i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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