i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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