just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
