Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
