ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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