why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
