Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bit a glass in half.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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