I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
