THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
