My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We have so much sex to catch up on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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