so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
