it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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