Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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