my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
