He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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