Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
