He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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