Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
