my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
