I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
