You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
