operation harelip BJ is a go
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
