All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
