took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize