i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
