A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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