Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
