used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
