one might say we're banned from that church
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
