Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
