Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
