just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
