It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
