Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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