you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Welp...herpes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize