1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
