Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
