Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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