I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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