I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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