I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
