Can i not drive my cunt home
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
