Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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