The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
