she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
