Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
