I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
