That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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