I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
being pregnant is like rehab
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
