Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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