party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
