i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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