I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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