you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
