I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
