I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
