we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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