I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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