Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
