How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
