My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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