I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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