Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
