ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
