dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
