I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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