News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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