I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
