I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
