My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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