ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
