I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
